Don’t worry, I haven’t robbed a bank or anything.
I shaved all of my hair off!
So I’d had the itch to do it for a while, and I had done it before but for some reason I was even more nervous this time around?
I felt the fear and did it anyway, and boy am I glad I did. It is honestly the most liberating and scary thing ever!
Now, you don’t need any reason to shave your hair. You can do it simply because you want to (and that was definitely one reason for me!) but I had a few more deeper reasons for sure.
For me as a child and a teenager, hair was everything to me. It was a defining and precious part of my identity. Though I never had really long, flowing hair, it was still a massive part of my look. I do remember wishing I had long hair like Rapunzel, so I could look like a princess. Screw letting a prince climb up to my window with it though, you think I’m getting a sore scalp for some stinky boy? Errrm, absolutely not. I’m fine in my room on my own singing Britney Spears in the mirror to my teddies, pretending I’m in a music video. So, thanks but no thanks.
Anyway, I digress. I started experimenting with my hair at around 18 years old, with subtle colour changes and cuts until eventually I got a pixie cut at 20. And then dyed my hair bright colours around 22. It’s been a rollercoaster ever since haha!
Recently I had been growing it out and really liking it. But my brain was telling me I was too comfortable with the length and in true Heather style I thought “you need to challenge this!” I needed to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, in more than one aspect of my life. So here I am with very short shaved hair, dyed pink of course. There is nothing to hide behind, which is both amazing and terrifying at the same time. People stare, because a woman with a shaved head is still a strange thing to see these days. “Oh you chose to have hair like that? Are you okay? I mean, mentally? Are you alright yeah?” Yes Barbara I’m all good babe, my hair was just pissing me off and I wont be defined by it because although society tells us women have to have long, luscious, shiny hair to be pretty and for men to admire us, I am not following suit! We good? Cool, have a nice day Barbs.
I will not be told that I am more attractive with hair. Without tattoos, if I was thinner. If I just wore this, it’d suit my bigger body better. Have you ever thought that I don’t live to be attractive to men & other people? *SHOCK HORROR*
After most of my life wanting to be attractive to guys, being bothered about what others think of me and gaining approval, I cannot be arsed anymore. I do things for me, because it’s my body and I like it this way! Don’t get me wrong, my mind set hasn’t 100% changed, it’s not like I clicked my fingers and I suddenly don’t give a shit. I have stuff still to work on and thoughts to challenge still. But I am miles from where I was for sure.
Recovery has tought me to feel the fear and do it anyway, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It is scary. But you know, if I want that tattoo or I want to cut all my hair off, or that piercing or that short skirt, you bet your ass I’m gonna go for it. Now, I’m not endorsing distructive, impulsive behaviour here. That’s a whole different ball game, and you do have to think about decisions you make in life realistically if they’re going to affect things. But what is the harm in being someone you want to be? Being comfortable in your own skin? Why is it still such a revolutionary, rebellious thing to do?
Some people may think, “alright love you’ve just cut your hair calm down” and yes I agree. I’ve just cut my hair. So why is it such a big thing? It shouldn’t be.
I’m just saying, I’m gonna keep doing me. Pushing the boundaries of perceptions of beauty in my own little world. Being rebellious. Because this shy, rule following cute little lady is also kind of a badass. And it’s about time that badass came out a bit more…